To whom it may concern,
Thanks for taking the time to read this letter!
I assure you, at least in terms of breaking up the monotony that is hiring a new employee, it’s the best decision you’ve made today.
I’m sure you’ve received dozens like it, promising exciting job-applicable traits like « Team-Player! » and « Hard-Working » and « Dedicated » and « Passionate! » I’m sure all of them have various examples of such traits like « That one time I saved a several hundred thousand dollar deal from falling through the cracks just because I spell-checked every word in a 200-page memo (showcasing their dedication, attention-to-detail, meticulousness, potential brilliance) » or « That other time I was involved in landing an account that you may know of by the name of HUGE TECH COMPANY (demonstrating their perseverance, persuasion, competitiveness). » I’m sure they are well-spoken individuals, promising longevity, increased revenue, innovative ground-breaking ideas, extensive connections and above all, a personality…
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